My name is Bythnia. No, that’s not my real name, but that is my preferred name to go by online. Only my friends and family members know my real name, but I will not tell it to you. I am a twenty-something-year-old woman, just navigating this crazy journey called life. I have a wonderful husband, and the cutest of kitty cats (not the one pictured as my icon). I am a Christian, and wholeheartedly dedicated to spreading the love of Jesus.
Passions? I have several. They include: photography, writing, horseback riding, fishing, videography, studying and interacting with animals, and playing video games. Yes, you read that right. Playing video games is a passion of mine, though it’s hard to find ones that I actually like. Kingdom Hearts is pretty fun, so is Fallout 4, as well as Risk. Of course, you can’t forget the Mario Party games.
I can be a bit of a silly goose at times, and I often struggle with finding the right words to say. This is because I feel that I can express myself more easily in writing than I can verbally. I’m not sure why, that’s just how I’ve always been.
Now onto the deep stuff…I am an INFJ personality type. This is one of the rarest personality types in the world. Apparently, only about 2% of the population actually has this personality type, so I guess I’m one-of-a-kind. Anyway, INFJ stands for Introverted/Intuitive, Nurturing, Feeling, and Judging, and you could say that I perfectly fall into each of those categories:
I am definitely an introvert. I prefer to be home, in my pajamas, playing video games, rather than going out and interacting with the public all day. That being said, I can fake it for the sake of work when I need to, as long as I am able to relax and unwind when I get home. I am very socially-awkward, but I make friends easily. I am intuitive in that I have a natural affinity for figuring things out. I always have some sort of a plan, and I analyze deeper meanings behind absolutely everything. My brain is constantly rolling, making connections to things that you wouldn’t typically think of relating to the conversation at hand. I can’t turn it off. I am also constantly, quietly observing everyone and everything in my environment. I notice even the slightest of changes, whether that is the fact that a piece of furniture in the office was moved, or if my coworker got a haircut. I constantly perceive and take in all of it. Even people’s quiet conversations, I take in and analyze. I’m not trying to, it’s just a subconscious thing. Sometimes, I even catastrophize things, to the point where if I make a small mistake in my professional or personal life, my brain has to learn how to cope with the consequences (or perceived consequences) of that mistake. So, usually that involves some sort of mental jumping to the worst-case-scenario for that situation, then figuring out what I would do to deal with it should the worst-case-scenario actually happen. Then, I logically think of all the other outcomes that aren’t the worst, so I can be prepared for anything. I don’t like being blindsided, so I guess my brain sets itself up so that it won’t have to be…it will have everything it needs to handle the situation in the event that the worst comes to pass. I’ve been called a worrywart, but I think it’s more of a self-preservation technique than anything else, to be honest.
The nurturing side of me is very strong as well. I am sort of like that mother hen to people. I am always the shoulder to cry on, the person that you can rant to, vent to, tell your secrets to, and have deep, philosophical conversations about the meaning of life with. I will do the best that I can to help you in whatever way I can, using any means that I can. People often say that I am a great friend, and that they appreciate my willingness to help in a variety of situations. Of course, that nurturing side doesn’t always come without also requiring me to experience a deep level of emotion, which brings me to my next point.
Feeling…I could go on at length about the feeling side of my personality. Because of my INFJ personality type, not only do I constantly analyze everything, but I also feel everything very, very deeply. I often share the emotions of those around me. If I can tell that someone is sad, I often feel sad along with them, and I may even start crying if they do as well. When I think I am in trouble, or when I am afraid or worried, I often can’t talk about what’s bothering me without crying, because that’s how sensitive I am. People always tell me to toughen up or to man up. Well, first of all, I’m a girl, so I can’t “be a man,” second of all, I am just an emotional being. It’s just who I am–part of how I am coded. You’ll just have to accept me as I am. I often apologize for being too emotional, but I won’t be doing that anymore. I won’t apologize for being me. I am not ashamed of who I am, it just means I’m unique, and it means I care. I don’t believe that’s a bad thing. Of course, my feelings run much, much deeper than what I have just described here. I often feel anxious about many circumstances of life. Because the intuitive side of me always has a plan, I have a hard time when things aren’t planned in advance, or when those around me tell me to just “go with the flow.” It drives me insane! If I am not given at least a week’s notice for travel arrangements, or at least 24-hours’ notice for plans, it stresses me out a little bit. Then I start to get anxious, and wonder how everything is going to come together. It always does, and I always trust those around me, but I am a bit of a control freak. I’m learning to relax a little, but I’m a work in progress. 🙂 I also struggle with never feeling good enough in any situation…I always somehow feel like there’s some way that I could be improving myself. But it’s exhausting work. I just want to be myself, and be accepted for who I am, and let that be ok…let that be enough. I am held only to God’s standard, and to my standard, and both of those are good enough for me. I’ve just got to try and not let things get to me as much. Like I said, work in progress. As my former mentor said, I’m a mess, but a beloved mess. 😉
Now onto the judging part of my personality. Yes, I can be judgmental at times. I don’t mean to be, but it happens. I try to keep that part of my personality in check as best as I can, and I think that this is the biggest area of my life that Christ has worked in me so far. He’s helping me to see others the way that he sees them on a daily basis, so I feel that I am becoming significantly less judgmental than I used to be. I am a very sarcastic person. Years of working in retail made me that way, unfortunately. Sometimes I make sarcastic comments in response to something dumb that was said (I know I shouldn’t but I’m only human, and as I said, I’m still a work in progress), but other times, sarcasm is just plain funny. For example, if I start coughing a lot at work, one of my coworkers will say, “Have you been smoking again, Bythnia?” To which I will respond with a resounding, “yep, totally!” And they all get a laugh out of it, because they know it’s not true. I’ve never smoked a day in my life, and I certainly don’t plan to. They know this, and they have a little fun pushing my buttons at this ridiculous notion. I, in turn, don’t mind, and decide to add to the fun by playing along. It’s part of what makes us human.
Well, that’s about the deepest that I’ve ever gone in terms of explaining myself to people. I guess I really just want you to have a look inside my mind, see what makes me tick, why I think the way I think and say the things I say…why I have to know the “why” behind everything, even when there isn’t a reason. In this age of censorship, prejudice, and whining at not getting one’s way all the time, I’m just trying to make my way through, living my life as a normal human, and trying to be the best example of Christ that I can be. I may not be perfect, and I may often say or do stupid things…things I have to apologize for or make up for later, but in the long run, I am doing the best I can…being transformed day by day. This blog is a journey that explores my thoughts on various issues, an illustration of some pretty bizarre dreams that I’ve had (as well as dreams that are more like aspirations), and even some random, miscellaneous thoughts or things that I think you will like. It may be a little strange, and some parts of the journey may be sad, while other moments are filled with pure joy, bliss, and silliness. If you’re willing to join me on this journey, then come explore the inner mind of Bythnia, and see where it takes you.
“I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
-Robert Frost, Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Day